Diversity Initiative to Uplift the Straight Cisgender Male Experience By Aralyn Perelli-Harris

Fostering diversity is a truly aspirational goal, one that UCU seeks to strive for as its highest value. Diversity helps us understand different perspectives and consider those that were previously unheard before, or are marginalized in spaces of academia. In order to encourage a better understanding of often-silenced voices on the UCU campus, it is important to gain awareness of the challenges facing straight cisgender men in the Liberal Arts and Sciences, due to the recent recognition of the growing gender divide in higher academia. Following concern by academics (Barros, 2025), a Diversity Initiative to Uplift the Straight Cisgender Male Experience has been launched to investigate the emotional toll of the subaltern masculine position in woke leftist colleges. 

This Diversity Initiative has been planned over a series of short-form interviews, culminating in a focus group of straight cisgender males on the UCU campus. The Interviewer hoped to create a safe(r), brave(r) space for males to express themselves freely, and to gain a deeper understanding of The Straight Male Mind, which has become severely under-represented. The Diversity Initiative has the additional significance of helping The Interviewer, an agender tofu-eating wokerati, to finally discover what the fuck a gender is, which they have been confused about for several decades. The focus group was hosted on February 19th at The Florin, Utrecht, with participants (n=8) whose names have been changed for anonymity. 

The results of the diversity initiative led to several illuminating insights about the Concept of Masculinity. When asked about the best thing about the Roman Empire, there was general positive group consensus, with highlights including “Filling up the Colosseum and having a massive sea battle”, “oiled-up fem-boys”, “bathhouse orgies” and “Director Ridley Scott (1 & 2)”. A participant, who chose to be referred to as Our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, stated that the best thing about the Roman Empire was “crucifying Jesus”. Other military-related questions were additionally held to be highly-regarded, with questions such as "What is your favourite World War 2 fact?" being called "upsetting, because there were too many [interesting facts]" by a participant who named himself Aralyno. Aralyno then proceeded with a lengthy explanation of how the Germans used dogs to blow up tanks. Our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ also mentioned that the British built kettles into their tanks to prevent tea-related deaths. However, there was less consensus on questions related to military equipment, as when asked "What is your favourite fighter jet?", answers ranged from F-35, X-Wing, and Airbus A330 to "Jet from Avatar the Last Airbender", as stated by Your Mom. 

Limitations of the initiative included insufficient diversity of majors, lack of random sampling, and lack of plane-landing abilities to prove their prowess as straight men.

When asked about their general health, there was general agreement that the majority of the males were eating enough protein, with the exception of one participant, STRAIGHTMANSTAN, who reinterpreted the question as "are you pro-teen?" (the consensus was negative). The majority of men were also happy with their health insurance, again with the exception of STRAIGHTMANSTAN. When asked how much they could lift, fewer answers were given, but the most agreed-upon was "a large table". There was also an even split in the group about whether they would wear shorts in winter. 

Questions concerning entertainment produced the highest variation of results, with "Dudebro film recommendations" yielding answers of "the one we can't talk about," "Talladega Nights," "Whiplash," "Grease", "Mamma Mia", "Frankenhooker", "Gothic  (1986)", "Rocky Horror Picture Show," "Call Me By Your Name", and "Lesbian Vampire Killers". However, there was strong, unanimous support for "Sharknado" as the most Dudebro movie. When asked, "Cars or Planes (the movies)?", there was strong support for Cars, with the exception of participant Dlippidypippypeepookalliornypoddy. When asked for recommendations on what The Interviewer should do with their brother in Utrecht, participant Big Dawg suggested "ice cream" and "markets". 

Finally, participants were asked questions regarding their conception of masculinity. Unfortunately, one participant refused to consent to participate in the study, so his answers have been withdrawn. When asked what was something that affirmed their masculinity, answers included "[REDACTED], [REDACTED] on trains, [REDACTED] on planes, mounted artillery with [REDACTED] on trains, doing side-quests, dying in a final stand, bleeding out in the snow, going on a quest to destroy the One Ring in the Fires of Mordor, and being asked to move chairs". One participant known as Death, Destroyer of Worlds said that he "felt pretty emasculated all the time," indicating the true diversity of the straight male experience. Other masculine-associated words included "Autism," "country music," "beer", "low body-fat percentage," and "big trucks," with the stipulation that the participant "hates big trucks, but the hatred made [him] feel masculine." 

When asked about other men, there was initial group consensus that being tall was "pretty gay, because what you doing, looking at other men?" When asked how to define masculinity, a majority of participants cited their fathers, with a small majority citing participant Aralyno's father, as well as "[Aralyno] if he was my dad." Relationships with the participants' fathers were also regarded as generally positive, with the exception of Your Mom, who expressed that he wished that the sex was better. Examples of participants' man-crushes included: Aragorn, participant Big Dawg, Gimli, participant Aralyno, Kevin the Minion, [REDACTED] from Super Sticky, Charlie Kirk (after death), Ayatollah Khamenei, Zohran Mamdani, and [REDACTED] the philosophy teacher. Death, Destroyer of Worlds, named Chappell Roan as his favourite straight man. 

Although this diversity initiative was not done in collaboration with the Diversity Team or UCU Admissions, The Interviewer hopes that this research can be used to further the equity and harmony of campus culture, to ensure a safer and more understanding space for this oppressed group. Limitations of the initiative included insufficient diversity of majors, lack of random sampling, and lack of plane-landing abilities to prove their prowess as straight men, which future research should invest into. Future diversity initiatives would additionally greatly benefit from funding grants for beer and bitterballen.